When I go to a bar with new guy friends, they always tell me the same thing when we're about to go talk with some girls.
"Damnit, I'd go and talk to them, but those guys're there already… ohh well"
I don't get it. One of the first things that "famous" pickup artists will say is that the guys in a group are your allies and friends, and that its actually harder to chat up a girl when she doesn't have friends around. I can understand the problem on some level; seeing possible competition can always put the fear into a mans heart. But the artists are 100% correct; a girls friends can become your greatest advantage if you know how to work them.
First off, why is it harder to talk with someone who's on their own? Herd mentality, my friend. When people are alone their defenses are up, and they're primed to defend themselves should the need arise. They don't have people to watch their backs, so they automatically drop into a defensive posture whether they realize it or not.
However, when a person is surrounded by their friends they feel safe, and they don't think that they need to keep their walls high. In short, when a person is surrounded by their friends they're more likely to let you into their world, instead of keeping you outside the walls.
So we understand that people are less guarded when they're in a group. But doesn't that mean that the group will protect them, and thus work to keep you out? Absolutely, if you make yourself seem like a threat. Looking back at the herd mentality, imagine a herd of zebra on the African plains. When they see a lion, what happens? They form into a solid mass, with the stronger members of the group protecting the weaker members. However, what happens to this same herd when they see another zebra approaching? They open their group to include this new member, welcoming it in with open arms.
Don't be a lion on the prowl. Be a zebra simply looking for a group to join. Being aggressive only leads to the walls of the group being raised against you, while being friendly and open causes the group to mirror you by opening its arms and welcoming you in. Granted, this is an overly simple metaphor, but it gets my point across fairly efficiently – if you look and act like a predator, you will be blocked. If you act like a friend, you will be welcomed as a friend.
This is why the guys are your friends, and not your foes. (if you're looking for girls… if you are chasing after guys then the ladies of the group may be your "opponent"). The trick to transforming yourself from a lion into a zebra is simple, yet not something people would expect. Talk to the guys first. Become interested in them, and make them interested in you. Don't go straight for the ladies in their midst.
By talking to the guys, the "protectors" of the group, you show that your interest lies in befriending the GROUP, and not just the girls in the group. If you show yourself to be interesting, then the group will open its arms to you and the individual members will start showing interest in your stories and conversations, and you can slowly maneuver yourself into a position to talk to a specific member of the group without interference from the rest… thus getting to your actual goal without being blocked.
Story Time!
I've used this method dozens of times at parties, but a specific memory drifts to the forefront of my brain anytime I tell a male friend about this topic. Years upon years ago I was a simple little college sophomore, trying to make my way through one of the school groups that had caught my interest. My use of this "befriend the group" strategy was completely unintentional at the time, but looking back I am astounded at how well it worked out for me. You see… I was pursuing a girl named Macy, and had been pouring all of my effort into talking with her. In the process however, I had made friends with a few of the guys in the group, and been completely ignoring another girl who was with us named Katelyn.
As the afternoon and evening wore on, it became more and more apparent that I wasn't making much headway with Macy. She was friendly, as college sophomores tend to be, but any interactions were stopping at friendly… steadfastly refusing to move into romantic. However, the more time I spent chasing Macy and talking with the guys around her, the more Katelyn was talking to me, trying to catch my attention. I have no doubts in my mind that, had I focused my attentions on Katelyn, she would have scorned me from the beginning. But as it was, she was vying for my attentions, trying to get me to talk to her. At the end of the evening she asked me to walk her home, during which she gave me her phone number and asked me to call her later that week. All without me putting a single ounce of effort into wooing her.
THAT is why the guys of a group are your friends. Never discount how much the rest of a group can help you to meet that special someone, and don't run away from a possible love just because there are a few guys standing between you and the subject of your amorous feelings. Give it a shot – if all else fails you will have met a few new friends, and learned a few new stories.
"Damnit, I'd go and talk to them, but those guys're there already… ohh well"
I don't get it. One of the first things that "famous" pickup artists will say is that the guys in a group are your allies and friends, and that its actually harder to chat up a girl when she doesn't have friends around. I can understand the problem on some level; seeing possible competition can always put the fear into a mans heart. But the artists are 100% correct; a girls friends can become your greatest advantage if you know how to work them.
First off, why is it harder to talk with someone who's on their own? Herd mentality, my friend. When people are alone their defenses are up, and they're primed to defend themselves should the need arise. They don't have people to watch their backs, so they automatically drop into a defensive posture whether they realize it or not.
However, when a person is surrounded by their friends they feel safe, and they don't think that they need to keep their walls high. In short, when a person is surrounded by their friends they're more likely to let you into their world, instead of keeping you outside the walls.
So we understand that people are less guarded when they're in a group. But doesn't that mean that the group will protect them, and thus work to keep you out? Absolutely, if you make yourself seem like a threat. Looking back at the herd mentality, imagine a herd of zebra on the African plains. When they see a lion, what happens? They form into a solid mass, with the stronger members of the group protecting the weaker members. However, what happens to this same herd when they see another zebra approaching? They open their group to include this new member, welcoming it in with open arms.
Don't be a lion on the prowl. Be a zebra simply looking for a group to join. Being aggressive only leads to the walls of the group being raised against you, while being friendly and open causes the group to mirror you by opening its arms and welcoming you in. Granted, this is an overly simple metaphor, but it gets my point across fairly efficiently – if you look and act like a predator, you will be blocked. If you act like a friend, you will be welcomed as a friend.
This is why the guys are your friends, and not your foes. (if you're looking for girls… if you are chasing after guys then the ladies of the group may be your "opponent"). The trick to transforming yourself from a lion into a zebra is simple, yet not something people would expect. Talk to the guys first. Become interested in them, and make them interested in you. Don't go straight for the ladies in their midst.
By talking to the guys, the "protectors" of the group, you show that your interest lies in befriending the GROUP, and not just the girls in the group. If you show yourself to be interesting, then the group will open its arms to you and the individual members will start showing interest in your stories and conversations, and you can slowly maneuver yourself into a position to talk to a specific member of the group without interference from the rest… thus getting to your actual goal without being blocked.
Story Time!
I've used this method dozens of times at parties, but a specific memory drifts to the forefront of my brain anytime I tell a male friend about this topic. Years upon years ago I was a simple little college sophomore, trying to make my way through one of the school groups that had caught my interest. My use of this "befriend the group" strategy was completely unintentional at the time, but looking back I am astounded at how well it worked out for me. You see… I was pursuing a girl named Macy, and had been pouring all of my effort into talking with her. In the process however, I had made friends with a few of the guys in the group, and been completely ignoring another girl who was with us named Katelyn.
As the afternoon and evening wore on, it became more and more apparent that I wasn't making much headway with Macy. She was friendly, as college sophomores tend to be, but any interactions were stopping at friendly… steadfastly refusing to move into romantic. However, the more time I spent chasing Macy and talking with the guys around her, the more Katelyn was talking to me, trying to catch my attention. I have no doubts in my mind that, had I focused my attentions on Katelyn, she would have scorned me from the beginning. But as it was, she was vying for my attentions, trying to get me to talk to her. At the end of the evening she asked me to walk her home, during which she gave me her phone number and asked me to call her later that week. All without me putting a single ounce of effort into wooing her.
THAT is why the guys of a group are your friends. Never discount how much the rest of a group can help you to meet that special someone, and don't run away from a possible love just because there are a few guys standing between you and the subject of your amorous feelings. Give it a shot – if all else fails you will have met a few new friends, and learned a few new stories.