Designing The Perfect Kitchen For: Al Murray The Pub Landlord
Hes famous for spending time behind the bar, pouring pints of beer for the gents and a glass of white wine for the ladies as well as spouting his own brand of confused logic to a delighted audience. Despite his fierce attempts to maintain tradition and given that even the most traditional of watering holes in Britain is now realising that it is vital to serve food alongside their beer, how would modern kitchen designers go about formulating the perfect kitchen installation for one of the UKs foremost spokesman of a generation; the Pub Landlord Al Murray?
Of course, the design would have to be fervently nationalistic. It is well known that Mr Murray is a great defender of all things British, though not necessarily Great. A colour scheme that is predominantly red white and blue (though certainly not anything that could be regarded as being French) would certainly suffice.
Of course, Mr Murrays kitchen would require certain specialist items. So in addition to the usual kitchen gadgets, there would be plenty of room for him to park his mobile bar, not to mention specialist containers that would allow him to store some of the most important ingredients in his kitchen, namely boxes of cheese and onion and salt and vinegar crisps. Walls would provide ample space both for optics, which could be adapted to serve more than just Whisky, Vodka and Gin, but could also dispense mustard, tomato sauce and brown sauce in equal measure.
Given that Mr Murrays menu would probably likely contain some of the UKs finest examples of good food (never haut cuisine), there would be a specialist grill allowing him to cook up the perfect British breakfast. A Full English cooked by the pub landlord, adorned with tomato sauce from his very own designer optic, would be a unique treat.
Mr Murrays fitted kitchen would also include a large fridge freezer, chiefly for the ladies white wine and the production of ice for posh people who want a gin and tonic. The floor would require special work through the provision of doorway that will allow him quick access to the cellar, should some misguided employee accidentally tamper with his fine British ale and serve up some limp-imitation foreign lager instead.
Space could be saved as there would be no need for an expensive espresso machine, or cafetiere for coffee, instead a jar of Nescafe and a kettle would be sufficient for almost all coffee orders. There would of course be specialist provision for a wide range of English teas for those too wet to order a real drink with their dinner.
Worktop space would be important, especially in the production of the lunchtime menu, which chiefly consists of sandwiches, or sandwiches served with crisps. Providing for dessert would be easy with no need for any of that strange foreign stuff, when all is needed is a big tub of ice cream, a bowl and a spoon, perhaps with a flake and squirt of raspberry sauce if people really want to be impressed.
A kitchen design fit for the most patriotic of landlords, providing the best of British food, alongside a hearty dose of comically misguided xenophobia, and the best of all, itll cost only peanuts too.
Of course, the design would have to be fervently nationalistic. It is well known that Mr Murray is a great defender of all things British, though not necessarily Great. A colour scheme that is predominantly red white and blue (though certainly not anything that could be regarded as being French) would certainly suffice.
Of course, Mr Murrays kitchen would require certain specialist items. So in addition to the usual kitchen gadgets, there would be plenty of room for him to park his mobile bar, not to mention specialist containers that would allow him to store some of the most important ingredients in his kitchen, namely boxes of cheese and onion and salt and vinegar crisps. Walls would provide ample space both for optics, which could be adapted to serve more than just Whisky, Vodka and Gin, but could also dispense mustard, tomato sauce and brown sauce in equal measure.
Given that Mr Murrays menu would probably likely contain some of the UKs finest examples of good food (never haut cuisine), there would be a specialist grill allowing him to cook up the perfect British breakfast. A Full English cooked by the pub landlord, adorned with tomato sauce from his very own designer optic, would be a unique treat.
Mr Murrays fitted kitchen would also include a large fridge freezer, chiefly for the ladies white wine and the production of ice for posh people who want a gin and tonic. The floor would require special work through the provision of doorway that will allow him quick access to the cellar, should some misguided employee accidentally tamper with his fine British ale and serve up some limp-imitation foreign lager instead.
Space could be saved as there would be no need for an expensive espresso machine, or cafetiere for coffee, instead a jar of Nescafe and a kettle would be sufficient for almost all coffee orders. There would of course be specialist provision for a wide range of English teas for those too wet to order a real drink with their dinner.
Worktop space would be important, especially in the production of the lunchtime menu, which chiefly consists of sandwiches, or sandwiches served with crisps. Providing for dessert would be easy with no need for any of that strange foreign stuff, when all is needed is a big tub of ice cream, a bowl and a spoon, perhaps with a flake and squirt of raspberry sauce if people really want to be impressed.
A kitchen design fit for the most patriotic of landlords, providing the best of British food, alongside a hearty dose of comically misguided xenophobia, and the best of all, itll cost only peanuts too.