"I just don't understand why he doesn't want to do everything he can to help himself!" my exasperated client said to me during our coaching call about her adult son.
She continued on with, "I've given him several wonderful options that will ease, if not completely eliminate his pain.
Honestly, Linda, I just don't understand why he isn't willing to do everything in his power to get healthy again.
" It's starting to cause some major friction between us.
" It was at this point that I wondered if she just gave him the options without trying to understand his hesitancy for moving forward with her suggestions.
So I did what I always do when I'm wondering about something, I asked! Her response? "What's to understand? These are viable, proven solutions that can help him with his situation.
He's just stubborn.
Always has been!" I challenged her point of view about this by asking, "If these are such solid solutions is it possible there's an underlying issue for him that you're not aware of that's creating his hesitation? Would it be worth asking and then compassionately listen to his answer, setting aside your beliefs for the moment?" Silence.
I'm used to this with clients.
I like the silence.
It means they're opening up to a new possibility of their circumstance that a moment ago was cut and dry in their minds.
"I suppose that's possible although I can't imagine what that would be.
" "You don't have to imagine.
You just need to ask and take it from there.
" A couple of days later my client called feeling like a new woman as well as having a renewed and deeper relationship with her son.
Turns out he had a very good reason for not jumping on board with her suggestions.
One that she had no clue about and couldn't have possibly considered without understanding his circumstance more fully.
This is not an unusual scenario for people.
We get it in our minds that we know what's best for someone and then get upset when they don't follow our suggestions or in some cases, what can feel like, on the receiving end, an order.
There's so many layers to relationships and so often you can forget that.
It doesn't matter who you're in relationship with in the moment, if you step into curiosity versus absolute knowing in the midst of your frustration and exasperation, you create an opening for a new awareness and compassion.
You may not always agree with the information you're hearing but you can choose to honor another's choice for themselves just as you would want that for yourself.
With Blessings, Linda
She continued on with, "I've given him several wonderful options that will ease, if not completely eliminate his pain.
Honestly, Linda, I just don't understand why he isn't willing to do everything in his power to get healthy again.
" It's starting to cause some major friction between us.
" It was at this point that I wondered if she just gave him the options without trying to understand his hesitancy for moving forward with her suggestions.
So I did what I always do when I'm wondering about something, I asked! Her response? "What's to understand? These are viable, proven solutions that can help him with his situation.
He's just stubborn.
Always has been!" I challenged her point of view about this by asking, "If these are such solid solutions is it possible there's an underlying issue for him that you're not aware of that's creating his hesitation? Would it be worth asking and then compassionately listen to his answer, setting aside your beliefs for the moment?" Silence.
I'm used to this with clients.
I like the silence.
It means they're opening up to a new possibility of their circumstance that a moment ago was cut and dry in their minds.
"I suppose that's possible although I can't imagine what that would be.
" "You don't have to imagine.
You just need to ask and take it from there.
" A couple of days later my client called feeling like a new woman as well as having a renewed and deeper relationship with her son.
Turns out he had a very good reason for not jumping on board with her suggestions.
One that she had no clue about and couldn't have possibly considered without understanding his circumstance more fully.
This is not an unusual scenario for people.
We get it in our minds that we know what's best for someone and then get upset when they don't follow our suggestions or in some cases, what can feel like, on the receiving end, an order.
There's so many layers to relationships and so often you can forget that.
It doesn't matter who you're in relationship with in the moment, if you step into curiosity versus absolute knowing in the midst of your frustration and exasperation, you create an opening for a new awareness and compassion.
You may not always agree with the information you're hearing but you can choose to honor another's choice for themselves just as you would want that for yourself.
With Blessings, Linda